FFD (noun, abbr. Fostering of False Defiance): A tactic I frequently employ to elicit cooperation from the five-year-old. E.g.:
“Put your cup in the dishwasher.”
“Please don’t put your cup in the dishwasher.”
“Haha, look, I am putting my cup in the dishwasher!”
It is short term solution that ultimately feeds her disobedience, but I don’t give a shit. Sometimes, things just need to get done.
I am trying to get her to karate on time.
“Please don’t put your shoes on.”
“Haha, look, I am putting my shoes on!”
“Please don’t put your coat on.”
“Haha, look, I am putting my coat on!”
“Please don’t leave the house.”
“Haha, look, I am leaving the house!”
I drop her off at karate.
An hour later, I am back, standing in the changing room, averting my eyes from the naked kids.
“Clothes on”, I say, timidly.
The five-year-old ignores me and performs a handstand.
“Come on, clothes on”, I repeat, imploring through gritted teeth.
She ignores me and begins sprinting, in circles.
“Please don’t put your clothes on”, I snap, assertively.
Silence ensues and the suspicious stares of protective parents fall on me.
“FFD?”, I plead, hopelessly.
The Male Nanny