The Male Nanny

Male nanny to the British upper-class

Strange Clouds

I am play-fighting with the five-year-old when the fire alarm goes off. I tell her to wait in the garden, and I go to investigate.

On the first floor there is no evidence of a fire.

On the second floor there is no evidence of a fire.

On the third floor there is no evidence of a fire.

On the fourth floor I smell smoke.

I cautiously ascend to the fifth floor, where the stench becomes more pungent.

I spot the source of the smoke; it drifts out from beneath the thirteen-year-old’s bedroom door.

My heart leaps and gathers speed. I grab a phone, dial 999 and hover my thumb over the call button.

My hand trembles as I push the door open and enter the room.

The smoke is thick. I rush to the window and heave it open, gasping at the fresh air.

I scan the dense mist and espy a flame flickering in the corner of the room.

I dash to the bathroom and dampen a towel, return to the bedroom and smother the flame. As the fire dies, the smoke gradually clears to reveal the thirteen-year-old, lying indolently on his bed.

“What the fuck are you doing!?” I screech.

“Burning Hershey’s Bar Mitzvah invitation.”

“Why!?”

“Because he blocked me on BBM.”

The Male Nanny

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